Do you want silly white sweet girlfriend?

Every time I get close to other people, every time I try to relax or deliberately make someone laugh, every time I feel like I'm doing well, I actually want you to be watching me.
I hope everything I do to other people can become a kind of proof, like I'm invisibly proving something to you.
It's like I tell you with my own mouth, "This is me you haven't found all along. You could have had this, but you missed it."